There are days in your life that mark you forever. Days where two worlds collide — joy and grief arriving in the same breath — and you are left standing in the middle of it, not knowing whether to cry or laugh or simply hold on.
August 13, 1995 was that day for me.
It was the day I finally brought home Bentley — the Bernese Mountain Dog I had searched for, dreamed about, and waited over a year to hold in my arms. Twenty pounds of soft black, white, and brown fur, blinking up at me with eyes that, I swear, looked straight into my soul.
It was also the day I lost my mother.
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A Love That Started Long Before Ben
I need to tell you how this all began, because the story of Forever Ben is really the story of a woman and the extraordinary animals that shaped her life.
It started with a dog named Miles.
One Saturday afternoon, my husband and I were visiting his mother in San Jose when the neighbors’ Bernese Mountain Dog came bounding down the driveway to greet me — as if he had been waiting for me his whole life. Miles was a hundred pounds of pure love, and something in me came alive the moment he pressed against my legs.
I dog-sat for Miles regularly after that. I watched him, studied him, fell completely in love with the breed. When Miles’s family eventually moved away, I felt the ache of losing a best friend. And I made myself a quiet promise: one day, I will have my own.
That day took a year of searching. I contacted over fifteen breeders. I filled out a seven-page application. I had my veterinarian called, my friends interviewed, a home visit planned. Bernese Mountain Dogs were rare, the good breeders protective and selective. But I wasn’t giving up.
When breeder Linda Ryan of Thrissle Ridge Kennels in Angels Camp, California finally said yes — that she would have a litter, and that she would consider me — I cried. And then I waited. And then I cried some more.
The Morning Everything Changed
The puppies arrived on June 24, 1995. Ten perfect little Bernese Mountain Dogs, eyes still closed, already stealing my heart from three hours away.
But as those weeks passed and Bentley grew, so did a quiet fear in my household. My mother — my wonderful, fierce, street-smart mother of 86 years — had taken ill. Two small heart attacks had left her weak and alone in her San Francisco home. My husband Dan and I brought her to live with us. We transformed the puppy room I had so lovingly prepared — the little kennel, the toy box, the rocking chair — into a hospital room. Oxygen tank. Hospital bed. Home care.
She and I talked about Bentley often. She would look at the photos of the puppies and smile that knowing smile of hers. She said to me once: “You and Bentley will have a very strong bond. I just know that.”
She was right about everything, my mother. Every single thing.
The Day I Will Never Forget
August 13 came bright and early. I called the hospital to say goodbye before we made the drive to pick up Bentley. Mama sounded tired but happy. “Bring me a new picture of the puppy,” she told me. I promised I would.
We arrived at the breeder’s and fourteen Bernese Mountain Dogs came running to greet us. I was already laughing, already crying. And then Linda reached into the whelping box and turned around — and there he was. The quiet one. The one who had always sat in the back of the box, just watching me, those dark eyes patient and steady, like he already knew he was mine.
Bentley. My Bentley.
I held him on the three-hour drive home, unable to let him go, whispering to him that everything was going to be wonderful.
The phone was ringing when we pulled into the driveway.
It was the hospital. Come now. Come quickly.
We put Bentley in his kennel with water and food, and I ran out the door — not even thinking, not even stopping. I just ran.
Her Last Words
When I reached my mother’s bedside, she barely opened her eyes. She took my hand. Her heart monitor was soft and unsteady. And in the little breath she had left, she looked at me — this woman who had never gone past the fifth grade, who had crossed oceans, raised a family, lived through hard times and harder losses, and loved with every cell of her body — and she asked me one thing:
“Do you love him?”
I answered yes.
She was gone a few minutes later, with her grandson Andy at her side.
Why I Wrote This Book
I have thought about that moment a thousand times. My mother, in her final breath, wanted to know about Bentley. Because she understood — better than I even did in that moment — what he was going to mean to me. She knew that grief like the kind I was about to carry needed something to hold onto. She knew that love, in all its forms, is what keeps us here.
Forever Ben is a true story. It is the story of Bentley — of his life, his health battles, his courage, his humor, his unshakeable devotion — and of everything he carried me through. It is a story about what animals give us that no human can quite replicate: a presence so steady and unconditional that the world feels manageable again.
It is also a story about my mother, and about the strange grace of a day that was both the worst and the most beautiful of my life.
If you have ever loved a dog deeply, this book is for you. If you have ever lost someone you thought you couldn’t live without, this book is for you. If you have ever been held together by something four-legged and soft and completely unaware of how much they were saving you — this book is absolutely for you.
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Coming June 10
Forever Ben is available starting June 10. It has taken me years to put this story into words. I wanted to get it right — to honor Ben the way he deserved, and to honor my mother the way she always deserved. I hope you will read it.
Order your copy and learn more at www.foreverben.com
For inquiries: info@foreverben.com
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“Once you become friends, the bond will grow so tight it will last for a lifetime.”
— Jo Ann, Forever Ben
